Country of Origin: United States of America
I’ve thought about
The way the wind would whip my hair
Away from my face just seconds before
I find my end there
On the rocks below
Before your very presence brought
A kind of happiness I wasn’t aware existed
The kind I thought was mythical, you know?
There were days nothing could pierce
The dark and heavy clouds
With agony fierce in my chest
And over my head
I’d wish I was dead.
I’d wish I never existed.
But then you came, the proverbial ray
Of sunshine that could
Make my day bright in a way
It had never been before
You didn’t cure my depression but
You made me care in a way I wasn’t even sure
I was capable of.
And with a reason to give a shit
A reason anyone could benefit from
My existence on this planet
In this galaxy
In the middle of nothing surrounded by more
And vaster nothing in it.
I will never forgive you.
It was easier before I knew
Before when my crises were existential
Not born out of the pull
Of your gravity, your sparkle
But born of a life so lacking in light
It felt as if I was born in darkness
And would remain hidden in fright
And rage at a world so destroyed
So bustling and annoyed
That I couldn’t find my breath
But then there was you
You with your face and voice and
It was then I knew you’d ruin me
I knew the score, waiting for the other shoe
To drop as I learned I would never be your choice
But still. Still, I pined and whirred around you
Suddenly manic, a micro planet
Stuck in the pull of your gravity’s force
I know you didn’t mean for it to be this way
It’s just how you are. It’s just what you do.
And so here I am a satellite, or perhaps space debris
I’m certainly not a rocket
I’m only me
Falling, falling, falling.
Into your orbit.
Thank you to Apurva Makashir and Tanvi Sethi for their inspired edits on this piece and everyone else on the Mental Health team.
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